This post is for all my sisters out there who are on the road for marriage or thinking about making the commitment. Simply put, who the person is before marriage is who the person will continue to be after the marriage. Unfortunately, marriage doesn’t change the person overnight.

Can a person grow within a marriage? Absolutely. Will marriage eventually challenge a couple to change? Absolutely. But change comes with time and that person has to display the willingness to change and the open mind to grow in order for the marriage to succeed long term.


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If you are dating a person who is selfish and unwilling to consider your needs in the dating phase then same will hold true in the marriage. It’s your job to make sure the person you are considering to spend your life with is compatible and share your interests. The only way to ensure this happens is through prayer.

Let me say that when God answers your prayers do not ignore Him especially if it’s not what you are expecting. So many times we see the signs early but choose to ignore them because we’re hoping the person will change. Yes, God can change anyone but if he is not your Adam then why waste your time.

As a single woman, I had an expectation list the length of my leg and if he couldn’t meet every expectation, it was a no go! Surely you can relate to this! So many times I was told that my expectations were too high. Initially, I totally disagreed with anyone who said that to me because I refused to accept just any man. 


However, the older I got the wiser I became and one day had to really take a look at my list. First off, I had to really ask myself who could live up to all my expectations. Then I took a hard look at myself because if he needs to live up to “my list” I must bring something to the table, right.

The next realization I had is that some of my expectations were superficial. For instance, height was on the top of my list and probably on the top of yours. But let’s get real for a second, can a tall man really love me harder than a short man? Instead of focusing on his height I needed to focus on his beliefs, his actions, the way he treats me, better yet, the way he treats his mother.

If having kids is important to you, does he want to have them? How many women go into a marriage and find out their husband doesn’t want kids. If traveling is important to you, does he love to explore new places and have a passport? For all you know he’s probably a homebody who never wants to leave the state.


photo credit: Essence

The point here is to make sure you are really getting to know the man you are dating. Sit back and watch him because he’ll tell you everything you need to know. Stay true to yourself on what’s important in a relationship because unfortunately, marriage will not change him.