Minority woman with her children fighting in the background

Can you date, be in a relationship, or marry a person who has a child with behavior issues?

I am talking about a child who talks back to adults , tells bold faced lies, doesn’t follow directions, and gets into trouble at school often. It is obvious this is a child who has behavioral issues and doesn’t respect authority. The reason for the child’s’ behavior could vary. It could be due to the parent(s) not correcting the situation or it could simply be a rebellious phase the child is going through. Whatever the reason(s), it is unacceptable and I can be honest and say, I would not allow myself to be involved with someone whose child barely respects him. If a parent can’t make their child respect them, then why would that child respect me? Being involved with someone who has a kid with behavioral problems is a serious situation and can negatively affect the relationship.

 

One of my good girlfriends was engaged to a guy who had a 12 year old son from a previous relationship.The mother of the son sent him to live with my friend and his father temporarily. The son was not a pleasant kid. He was very disrespectful and a handful to deal with. My friend tried to be patient but he often tested her patience and took her out of character. This put a strain on the relationship between she and her fiance and ultimately caused them to part ways. The moral of this story is, it is difficult for any person to deal with a child with behavior issues. It is especially difficult for one to to deal with when the child is not a child of their own.

Children are a blessing, but your love life doesn’t have to suffer because your child has behavioral issues. Here are five great  tips that can help you keep your love life together while raising your kids.

  1. PAY ATTENTION–  One of the BEST ways to learn a person, is to watch their interaction with others. Your child will always behave a certain way around you, but how does he/she act when you are not around?  What feedback do you hear about your child when you are not around? Don’t be so consumed with your own life ( work, a relationship, social life) that you are missing out on the details of your own child’s life. Who is your child hanging out with? When you take the time to know your child, you know what he/she is or isn’t capable of. You also understand how you should approach situations with them. Don’t assume who your child is based off of who you want them to be. Know who your child is based off of who they show themselves to be.
  2. DON’T WORRY ABOUT BEING YOUR CHILD’S BFF – Discipline your child while they are young. Don’t worry that if you discipline your child, he/she won’t like you or will think you are mean.The reality is, someone has to teach your your child right from wrong and it should be you, the parent. Don’t fail your child because you want to be seen as being cool.
  3. REMEMBER YOUR CHILD IS WATCHING YOU –  Pay attention to your child, and don’t you for one second get it twisted and think your child is not paying attention to you also. They might not be vocal about everything they observe, but trust and believe your child watches you. They are watching your do’s and your dont’s because what you do or don’t do, affects their behavior and their views of the world.
  4. BE INVOLVED –  Your level of involvement in your child’s life is a big deal.  The more involved you are in your child’s world, the more you know what your child is or isn’t  being exposed to. Don’t just send your child off to school, make it your business to know what’s going on at the school and in the classroom. Join the Parent Teachers Association (PTA) or other committees and associations that relate to your child’s daily activities.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP-  Different events can cause behavioral issues in a child, divorce, instability, domestic violence among the parents, abuse, etc. You might not be able to get to the bottom of your child’s problematic behavior, but maybe a professional can. For various reasons, a child might be more willing to open up to someone they don’t know rather than their parent. Don’t be afraid to let your child talk with a professional.

 

To read more articles by Miss Marcie,  check out www.miss-marcie.com

 

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