I have never been one to throw around the term “friend” loosely because being a friend and HAVING a friend/having real friends means a great deal to me. And it’s SO VERY IMPORTANT to always pay attention to your circle. At my age? It does not matter ONE BIT if I have known someone 20+ years; if you have no place in my life, you will have to go.
It’s also important that you play your part AS a friend. People aren’t going to be wired just like you so never expect anyone to be exactly like you. But! There is a level of expectation that you should have for people that you call your friends.
I need to give you three ways that you can tell when someone IS NOT your friend. Maybe this will help you to go ahead and make decisions about “hangers on”, and those “old friends” still stuck in “old ways”. It’s time to rid yourself of toxic relationships, and live a stress-free life! DISCLAIMER: these are scenarios that I have experienced, and the outcome was that these individuals really WERE NOT my friends, so I had to do what I had to do…and let them go. Do what you must in your own situations…
- When your friend shares a “win” with you and you celebrate with them; you share a “win” with this same friend, and the conversation gets dry. GIRL PLEASE; THAT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Friends should want to see each other rise, shine, grind and win…no matter what. If at each time you mention a joy to your friend, and their conversation turns into the Sahara Desert on you? Value Yourself – Reevaluate That Relationship. In my case, I cut the tie. If I can support your efforts, celebrate with you, etc., but you’re unable to share in my delight, you have to go, babe. Sorry Not Sorry.
- When you’re honest with your friend about something that may be working against them, and they sour up towards you. GIRL PLEASE; THAT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. I once had an acquaintance that I had become somewhat cool with, shared things with, provided business advice, etc. Then one day, this particular person had some personal issues and took their pain from those issues to the world wide web i.e. “social media”. Well, because this person was someone who was embarking on such an amazing accomplishment, and had already done some EXTRAORDINARY things in the business world, I threw this person a bone and let them know that they should probably rethink being so public about an in-house matter. Well, I later noticed that this person was definitely “short” with me, and I could even see them throwing 10-ton shade my way. So I did what any self-respecting person would do; no announcement needed…they were gone, and so were their associates who were of the same thread. The thing is, they probably don’t realize that they are no longer linked to me…or they may know and don’t care, and that’s fine…but I do know that my social media timeline is a very happy space, and I owe it all to re-evaluating relationships and taking action appropriate for me. Yes, UNFOLLOW PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE.
- When you find that you are only contacted when THEY need you for something. GIRL PLEASE; THAT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. I really don’t even have to elaborate too tough on this one…because you know what this means. It’s never a phone call or text to simply ask how you are doing; to say congratulations on an achievement; to let you know that they saw something that reminded them of you…no, never that! They WILL ask those things, BUT will then ask FOR something. Givers have to set limits; takers NEVER do. If you find yourself always “JANET On The Spot” for someone, and you aren’t able to depend on them for a thing? PLEASE GIVE THEM THEIR WALKING PAPERS. They’re just not that into you, and their need for you will expire once you can’t cater to their wishes any longer.
I have always hated to hear things like “oh women can’t be friends”; totally not true. I can be friends with women who are understanding of how to BE a friend. If we are not of like minds, what’s the point? Free your mind (and your timeline), and the rest will follow!