Dating can be quite complicated and frustrating. However, there are some complications and frustrations in the world of dating that we have control of. One of those things we control is how much we decide to invest into finding a fulfilling relationship. There is a such thing as doing too much in dating, and this has potential to make things go really well (temporarily) or really bad. Often women find themselves doing everything in their power to show a potential partner that they are worthy of being a girlfriend, which in turn gives the guy of interest no reason to take anything to a more serious level. If you are already giving your partners the husband treatment without any commitment or even a girlfriend title, what would make them work to make you theirs and cut off all their other options? This behavior is not only draining (emotionally and sometimes physically), but it is also a quick way for your potential partner to become bored with you or begin using you while he pursues other women. It’s important not to get caught up in auditioning to be a girlfriend and forget what it is like to be courted and actually date someone on the way to the happiness you desire.

Buying his attention and love


It’s okay to buy a gift as a token of your appreciation for a boyfriend or husband, not just on holidays. However, this line gets crossed often in dating, as many women have started trying to buy their way into relationships. You may not think you’re trying to buy a relationship, but if you find yourself always paying for dates, offering to take your date out to eat, and even buying expensive items for him just because, you may be an offender. This also applies to those who take a man into their home and financially support him as if he is a dependent. The old saying is very true, money can’t buy you love, and any guy that is allowing you to spend money on him knowing you two are not exclusive or “serious” is taking advantage of the silly girl you are putting yourself out there to be. Don’t become a sugar mama in your quest of becoming a significant other. Allow him to treat you to nice things. Give him a chance to court you, instead of you courting him.

Selling a perfect image

Getty images

Getty images

Everyone has moments. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Don’t be afraid to show that you are human and imperfect. Keeping a plastered smile on your face and pretending everything is perfect in your life can be very misleading as well as intimidating to someone that is interested in you. Don’t run a potential partner away by trying to show them how perfect life is with you. Let him in on your life, without looking like a drama queen. Share your day’s stories with him, and your fears. It’s okay to open up and show someone the real you. That goes for your social media accounts as well. Everyone knows happiness needs no audience, so give all the “I’m so happy!” statuses and posts a rest. Let happiness flow naturally, and others will have no choice but to pay attention.

Becoming his cook and cleaning his home

Contrary to popular belief, food is NOT the way to win a man’s heart. Cooking will only fill his stomach, and keep him coming back at times (especially when he’s hungry). If you love to cook, that is great. Cook to your heart’s desire. However, if your main reason for always cooking for your dates is to impress them with your cooking ability to seal the deal (and you know if this is you, whether you admit it or not), then you may be overdoing it. Sure cooking and cleaning well are great qualities, but neither should be what draws a man to you. Your domestic ability should not be the key to your happiness, and to be honest, that is not extremely high on a man’s list when he is just looking to date. Cook and clean for yourself because that is what we should do as independent adults, not because you are hoping it will land you a boyfriend. Instead of trying to Rachel Ray your way into his heart, plan fun nights where the two of you cook together, or allow him to take you on a nice dinner or lunch date.

Using sex to get him to commit or stay interested

Remember, you are dating in hopes of a boyfriend/husband. Therefore you must remember that not everyone you date deserves to have sex with you. If a person has not seen fit for you to become even a girlfriend to you, what makes you think he deserves to have access to such an important part of you? There are some things worth saving for the one that will bring you unlimited happiness……sex should be one of them. To be blunt, don’t waste all your tricks and tread on the undeserving guys along the way in order to help them change their mind about you being worth pursuing exclusively. Remember, you are in control of your sex life. Be a good judge of who and how often you choose to let someone take that control away(if you choose to at all), and also be prepared to deal with the emotions and feelings that come with the territory of opening that door. Often men don’t view sex as significant as women, so don’t expect his interest in you to increase as your sex frequency does.

To contact Karlicia Lewis, author of “Stop Saying Yes to Mr. No Good”, for dating/relationship advice, speaking engagements, life coaching, or just to keep up with her dating/relationship columns, check out