We’ve all been there. An ex pops back up in an inbox message, in a comment, calls your phone or “bumps into you” and instantly a flood of memories come rushing back. The consideration of starting over makes you forgot why you left or why the relationship ended. Much like a child’s beloved toy or blanket, an ex is comfortable and familiar. But before you blindly start over and give it another go here are a few things to consider:
Has my ex actually changed?
Women are natural nurturers and have hearts that look to see the best in everyone and every situation. We are life givers so we wish to yield life. As a result, we end up yielding life to situations that are long dead and have been buried. Before rekindling that old flame, really examine if your ex has indeed changed. Sometimes in our excitement to be back with someone we love or care for, we can overlook those major character flaws or deal breakers that derailed the relationship in the first place. At the very least, is there a commitment to working on those issues that caused the split in the first place? Are they the same version of themselves in a different calendar year? Be open to their words but pay attention to their actions and see if it aligns with the version of you that is moving into the future and operating in the present.
Does my ex match where I am today and where I am headed in the future? Does my ex celebrate my accomplishments and journey?
In between relationships women are consistently improving their inner and outer selves . Whether that be more self-care, working out, adding accomplishments to their resumes, opening or advancing businesses, or just becoming a better version of their previous selves. Women are committed to doing better overall. With these improvements and new interests comes a new level of confidence, new mindset, and sense of clarity. Therefore, it’s really vital to ask yourself does this new me and new values align with what my ex was accustomed to previously in our relationship? Do I want to risk losing that progress if my ex is not willing to appreciate the growth I’ve made? Does this person match my current reality? How do/would they add value to what I am currently doing and trying to accomplish? Can they walk with me along this journey or are they going to hinder me by looking at me through old eyes of what I used to be or do? Keep this in mind because you are ever evolving as you grow and are exposed to new things. This person may no longer fit where your current energies are vibrating and carrying you to. This does not make them a bad person, just not YOUR PERSON.
Do I still love my ex and see them as my compliment or am I lonely or unfulfilled?
Often we may be seeking a love we are meant to give ourselves, or save for someone else. In fact, an ex can enter back into your life with, shall we say, impeccable timing. This can throw off the timing and positioning, of what could have been the rest of your healing or preparation period. It’s up to you to use the best and brightest gifts God has gifted women with: DISCERNMENT and WISDOM. Determine whether you can actually envision building a life with this person and spending monumental moments (both valleys and mountaintops) creating the life you want. Also ask yourself if this is a welcome distraction to possibly mask an area that needs close attention in your life. Much like our favorite blanket or toy, we can outgrow things, but become unwilling to let them go in fear that this is as good as it gets, falling victim to our feelings at the moment. Remember, only you know whether your ex can truly be YOUR PERSONAL BEST or whether you should put a line through them and douse that old flame before it becomes a forest fire that devours everything in its path. Choose wisely Queen, your heart and your chance at real love is counting on you!