Being single can sometimes feel like a deficiency, as if something is missing from your life, and the only way that you can feel whole and complete is if you are in a relationship and/or married. Well, let me tell you how far from the truth that is. For starters, there are actual seasons of singleness you must be aware of and the good part is – you are WINNING during each season. Please allow me to break this down for you…
Post breakup: This season probably feels the worse. You have spent months, maybe years with a man to only find out that it simply didn’t work out, for whatever reason. You have to block numbers, return items, decipher between mutual friends, and lastly, deal with the emotions of perceived “failure”. Well I have good news and bad news. Bad news is – he wasn’t the one. The good news is – he wasn’t the one! In my experience as a single woman, it got better and better each relationship, until the ultimate one came along and made it forever. So rejoice, be glad, because your next boo will be far greater than the last one, and you are one step closer to forever love.
Super Single: You may call this season a “dry season”. No one is calling, texting and DMs are slim to none. You go out and no one approaches you. You haven’t been on a date in months or even years. In my experience, this was a time of solitude where I needed to work on ME before moving on to another relationship. Recognize this season. Don’t get discouraged, but look at it as an opportunity! A few things I did while super single: finished a Master’s degree that was taking me forever to complete. I started working out and changed my diet, lost 20 lbs. I worked my butt off at work, got promotions, earned more money, and started being more financially savvy. Lastly, I enjoyed my girlfriend time with friends. We traveled, had sleepovers, tried new foods, worshiped together. Honestly, once my perspective changed, I started to enjoy being super single. I had a blast.
Dating and Waiting: This season is when you are feeling refreshed from being super single. You have gained new confidence because you have crushed goals, became a better woman, and you are enjoying life. Guess what…confidence, happiness, contentment…they all attract men! They will start falling in out of nowhere. Now that you are going out on dates, it doesn’t necessarily mean you will find the one right away. This period I call “dating and waiting” may seem tiresome in itself. Meeting men, going out on dates, but you aren’t vibing with any of them. Don’t get discouraged. This is “weeding out” time. Sorting through what you like, and what you don’t like. Not settling for anyone just to say that you are in a relationship. You are empowered and have control of your love life while patiently waiting for who you want and what you deserve. You are in a good place. Enjoy the company, being wined and dined, etc. Each date, and each “nah, I’m not feeling him” will get you closer to someone who will spark your interest.
Enjoying courtship: Did I say spark your interest? I really meant light your fire! You didn’t give up on dating, but you kept pressing forward. Suddenly, you meet a man who not only meets your expectations but so far, he’s exceeding them. He is assertive. He takes the lead. You KNOW he is interested in you and wants the same things you do. He compliments you often, enjoys your company, so much where he asks you out on another date, before you can end the first one. He’s everything you have wanted and more. However, you are taking things slow to be sure, not rushing into things, and considering this man is definitely leading with his actions, you are sitting back, enjoying the ride, and seeing where this thing is going. You are enjoying courtship.
Now whether this phase leads to marriage, or right back to a breakup, always remember, you are winning either way. I recall cycling at least 2-3 times through all phases but as soon as my perspective changed, and I understood that it wasn’t the end of the world, and that seasons DO change, I was happy being single, regardless which phase I was in. To stay encouraged and hear more about my relationship journey that led to marriage, check out my latest book The Don’t Before I Do. It’ll bless you. Until then, enjoy singleness and look forward to the next season.