Despite the recent wave of black excellence, black women tend to come up short in the areas of love & dating, the workplace, society, and social media. We may think we’re winning, but others continue to see us losing. We continue to face stereotypes and discrimination just about everywhere we go. As part of the dating game, we have to be knowledgeable about the perception of others. We have to be aware of the image we hold to the men we’re dating and it’s on us to make these men aware of all we go through. Let’s discuss four things all men should know about black women.
We are tired of being seen only as a sexual fling, or fantasy, instead of someone worth building a life with.
In relationships we’re often viewed as difficult and quarrelsome. No one wants to marry a black woman, but everyone wants to have sex with one. Even some of our own black men refuse to date black women. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion and to have a preference, but they forget what message it sends to the other black women in their lives. Bashing us doesn’t show their daughters how to be confident about themselves. It doesn’t teach self-love, and it actually promotes self-hate. Bashing us doesn’t make them look any better and ironically enough, I’ve heard several men say “No one will love you more than a black woman will.” Yet, there’s still a disconnect somewhere.
Our positive qualities are overlooked while our flaws are being magnified.
We are viewed as being loud, ghetto, and always having an attitude. Society has painted a picture of us breeding multiple fatherless children and have low work ethic. Being the “angry black woman” is at the top of our description list at times, but as a black woman, people fail to realize there are some many things to be angry about. There are so many things people just don’t get about us, and we are definitely misunderstood. For example, instead of being seen as independent and straightforward, we’re viewed as aggressive.
Truth be told, we struggle to live life outside of the stereotypes we’ve been hearing since childhood.
We tend to place all of our focus on trying to prove others wrong by not looking like the “typical black woman” instead of enjoying life. We struggle to be our true selves for fear of what others will say about us. We have to work twice as hard to get to where we want, and even then it’s sometimes not enough. We lead the way in degree attainment, but we are still viewed as an uneducated group.
The more we try to embrace black excellence the more we are discriminated against.
“They” don’t want to see us excel and believe in ourselves. “They” believe this wave of black excellence means we’re anti-white. “They” imitate our hairstyles, but consider us to be nappy and bald-headed. “They” made fun of our body structure and facial features, but now it’s one of the top cosmetic procedures. It seems as if everything related to our culture is viewed negatively until someone else does it.
Truth is, we are are winning, and it’s time others recognize that as well. We have more to offer than most are willing to admit. Black women are the true definition of “survival of the fittest”. We know how to make any situation work by making a way out of no way. We do what we have to do in order to get by and survive. We’re quick on our feet and self-reliant. We demonstrate strength, leadership, and adaptability every single day. We’re loving by nature and expected to be the backbone for others. We hold the family together, and we’re kind hearted. We sacrifice for our loved ones and children. We’re motivating, always looking for ways we can help others, and push people into their greatness.
We’ve managed to find positivity in the midst of oppression and as we continue on, we need the support of our black men. Let’s continue on with movements such as #BlackGirlMagic, #BlackQueen, and #BlackExcellence. I encourage every woman out there to believe in your worth, and find your voice. You’re not the statistic they thought you would be. Live a beautiful black life unapologetically. Love on a black woman today, and be proud of your skin color.