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When He Says This, He Means This…

I don’t think you realize how common the things guys say are. I am here to be your decoder. “When he says this, he means this”, is all about exploring several things you may hear a guy say to you. Whether you are seeing, dating, hooking up, or just “frans”, these common phrases are used more often than you think. Trust me…somebody has baited you with these 7 hooks a time or two.  So let’s get into it!

[Disclaimer: All guys aren’t BS’ers. If all else fails, trust your intuition.]

    1. “I’m not looking for a relationship.” – TRANSLATION: I am emotionally unavailable and I want to have sex without strings. I am seeing other people or, I may have other options at the moment. I may not be at all that into you; I just want to see what you will give me in return for a few dinners, movie tickets, and hook-ups at your crib. ROUGH ONE. I know because I lived it for 14 years. I thought I could change his mind. Girl bye.
    2. “Want to come over?” – TRANSLATION: I want to make you feel as if you are “wanted” or I need to “see you”. So he sends the invite text but, the truth is, he just “wants some”. Listen, after while, the dates slow down, the courting ceases, and a brother just straight up shows you what time it is. Inviting you makes the “hook-up” not seem bad. But, yes girl you are a booty Uber. You know like Zifty? Amazon Prime? Uber? Like, one call or click and you are there. Just being real.
    3. “We deal with things differently.” – TRANSLATION: I don’t deal with shit at all but you do though. Most guys or “grown boys” will say I just don’t get caught in my feelings about stuff or it’s just not that serious to me. You have to recognize his truth. He is telling you how he “deals” or avoids “dealing”. So stop talking and either move on from the point of discussion or move on from this dude. Remember, you are looking for a partner for life. So, what shows up in dating that can’t be fixed will be engrained in the foundation of your marriage
    4. “We cool.” – TRANSLATION: I am not pressed about you or your wants. Basically, he is not in a rush. Nothing you can do or say will change his walk. So stay or go, it may not make a difference. The question is what do you want? Not what does he want…
    5. “I don’t care what we do tonight.” – TRANSLATION: I just want to screw, because to be honest with you, I can’t afford or don’t have the interest to really plan or do something cool for you. Ladies, if you hear this on the regular basis or if you find yourself courting the man (aka planning all the dates, going above and beyond to plan weekend getaways, or a staycations in a hotel) 1. You on one 2. He’s just not that into you. Trust me. Now, I am not talking to you happy and content girlfriends and boyfriends who are in an exclusive healthy relationship and you guys decide to stay in for the night. Let’s be clear.
    6. “What you doing?”– TRANSLATION: I want to come through. Depending upon the time of day… this is inquiry for sex. If you cool with it, then you can move to number 7. If not, pay attention to his patterns and how often this text comes across your screen. Keep a mental note of if these texts end in sex every time. There is a message in the pathology of communication.
    7. “That’s what’s up.” – TRANSLATION: He could give two “you-know-what’s” about what you talking about. I’m just saying. If you share wins about your career, business, health, finances, spirituality, family, friends, etc. and his comeback is this dry AF “That’s what’s up” response, he may not be as supportive or interested as you thought.

Rebel on,