How to Confidently Know if He’s the One: Identifying the Real Vs The Counterfeit

On this journey of seeking God and preparing for your husband, there will be counterfeits to come before the real thing, so you want to confidently know if he’s the one God has for you. When you’ve been in bad relationships in the past, it is scary to trust your own judgement. You want to be certain that you are not committing to someone who’s not ordained to walk this journey with you. You want to walk down the aisle with confidence and peace in your heart that you’re making the right decision. You don’t want to look up years from now and realize you settled. This is why it’s important for you to first be clear on who you are, and then know what you desire in your husband.  I’m going to give you four ways that will help you confidently know if he’s the one so that your “I Do” will not end in divorce.

He Will Love God

Iyanla Vanzant once said “A man who’s accountable to no one is a dangerous man.” I agree with this statement which is why the first step to identifying if He’s the one is his love for the one who created him. The reason I believe it is so important for him to first love God is because if he loves God  he can effectively love you. God is love. A man who loves God shows it in his actions. It is not just about him going to church. It is about him exhibiting that love in his actions not just toward you, but also toward others. How does he treat his mother? Is he a man of integrity? Is he compassionate? Is he kind to strangers? Does he help those in need? Does he sacrifice for others? Does he show commitment? Does he exhibit patience? If he loves God, you will see it in his everyday actions.


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He Will Want Marriage Too

When I was younger, I recall being taught that sometimes men don’t know what they want so it’s up to a woman to show them. A man may not always be sure what he wants but he knows what he doesn’t want. This is one of the reasons it’s important to have those tough conversations early enough in the relationship to avoid falling in love with someone who doesn’t want what you want. I am not saying ask him on the first date but it should be discussed early enough in the relationship to avoid disappointment. If he tells you that he doesn’t want to get married, do not waste your time trying to change his mind. I’ve seen many women end up in heartache because they are trying to love or sex a man into marrying them. You can not love him enough, give him enough sex or cook him enough soul food to make him want to marry you if marriage is not something he sees in his future.

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He Will Commit to You

A man’s words may tell you one thing but his actions will always show you his truth. When a man is serious about making you his wife, he won’t leave you guessing. He will make it clear to you by committing to you. He’s going to commit to you because he sees the value in you and he’s unwilling to risk losing you to someone else. His commitment to you will include future plans with you. A sure way to tell if a man is serious about you is to pay attention to the plans of his future. If he’s making plans about his future and those plans do not include you, it’s because he doesn’t see a future with you.

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He Will Value You

Many women today have a “dessert first” mentality. They are afraid to hold themselves to a higher standard out of fear of him leaving for someone else. They order their dessert upfront in efforts to keep him, but there is a specific order in the delivery of food in a restaurant (woman). First, the appetizer (courtship). The appetizer is just a small taste of what this restaurant has to offer. The appetizer is to stimulate his appetite. Next, the entrée (marriage). He saw the value in the appetizer and decided it was worth taking the next step to purchase the entrée. Last, the dessert (sex). The dessert is given after the entrée. If the dessert is ordered upfront, it spoils their appetite for anything else.

Anytime you bypass the entrée, you’re missing out on the value of all of the nutrients (skills, assets, values, worth) it possesses. You place the value on what’s on your menu. Every person cannot afford your quality of food and will not see the value in it. It doesn’t mean that you should change your menu or allow them to determine the price for you. It means you allow them to go to another restaurant so that you can keep yourself open to the one who will see the value and is willing to purchase the entrée.

The steps provided are foundational for any woman in any walk of life. These steps will help you to identify the red flags that could potentially lead to heartbreak and disaster.

Marriage is a huge step. You don’t want your judgment to be clouded by emotions, fear or uncertainty when making this step. This short, yet powerful blog is one I’m certain will give you the wisdom to help you be certain that you are marrying the real and not a counterfeit.