Do you find yourself struggling from person to person trying to figure out why it just doesn’t work? Does it seem like it’s going well and then suddenly it’s over?? Some women deal with what I call the “turn over” much more frequently than men. Why is this?! Is it because men are often observers and less emotional when it comes to a connection? Or is it the infamous ratio issue? I’ve discovered that men typically fall into love. Love just seems to happen for men rather than them searching for it. However, women have a conquest! They tend to say, I’m not dating unless all the credentials are met, the qualifications are checked, and the expectations are there and exceeded. Not saying anything is wrong with this, but if this is so, why are there no good men?! Why are so many of our women single (besides by choice)? It’s typically not a drought issue when it comes to meeting men, not even the good ones; because they’re out there. It’s the things that turn them off or scream “she’s simply not it”.
Here’s 7 reasons why it just doesn’t seem to work!
- You likely talk too much. Sometimes as independent ambitious women, we talk a lot about ourselves. You’re more than your accomplishments when dating someone. They want to know you, not your papers.
- You’re moving too fast. It’s probably not a good idea to meet someone and start with questions like: What do you want in life? How many kids do you want? When do you want to be married? These questions asked up front don’t work because for you – it’s in the next 6 months! The reality is both of you are grown and likely both have the expectation of settling down. It’s a well known fact! Ease into those conversations. Don’t mention them within 5 days of meeting someone. He may be worthy of that conversation.
- You’re too complex! We have to learn how to be simple! Everything isn’t complex or critical. It’s okay to be chill. Try not to bash and bring up too much of your past. Of course, people need to know where you’ve been to get to where you’re going! But bashing your ex, living in your past, and constantly mentioning or comparing it, screams you’re not over it.
- You have visible insecurities. Often we think we can mask our insecurities. Truth is, certain actions and conversations are give aways that you’re insecure; no matter how much you say you aren’t. This is true about what you wear and how you carry yourself when you’re out. There’s not an action you have that can cover up broken behavior. Asking too many questions about other women, being co-dependent, and clingy are red flags that should be addressed.
- You Cling! In all honesty, we’ve all been there. You get so excited. It’s going well. The vibe is nice. The chemistry is there and you find yourself texting him ALL time – even initiating the calls. As grown ups, we want to have conversations however, self restraint is necessary. When dealing with people, you simply can’t display the constant desire to make contact until you’re an item. It can come off as co-dependent. You know those text that say, “when I talk to you it makes me so happy”? Nope! We as women have to maintain a level of discretion. It sounds odd, but giving too much too fast along with showing too much too fast can be scary.
- Are you broken?! This is a real question you have to consider. Do you find yourself running into people that are your lesser? Dealing with project people? Allowing others to walk over you? Or simply tolerating what you know you shouldn’t? You may have a self love issue. This will require you to really evaluate yourself and figure out why you’re failing in relationships. It’s something people know is true but don’t address.
- You two are not compatible. Sometimes, you simply meet and attempt to mingle with the wrong person! It’ll never work. Just because you have chemistry or the vibe is good doesn’t mean you’re going to be compatible. It’s unfortunate, but true. It’s imperative to know your strengths and weaknesses and whether or not it’s going to work out with someone based on their background and conversations.