Have you truly analyzed the reason your ex has decided to move on to another relationship and you’re still single? Instead of blaming him for the relationship failing, have you really taken the time to think about your culpability? For me the answer to both of those questions was an astounding NO, at first.

Why would I analyze myself when he’s the one who lost out on a good thing? Luckily I changed my attitude in the nick of time and truly thought about the reason my ex gave for moving on with his life without me.

His reason for leaving, “you don’t have a need for me in your life and you make it very clear. With her I feel needed so I chose her”.

According to him, it didn’t seem like I wanted him or the relationship. Of course when he told me this I thought “you’re full of sh#t”.  But then in my next relationship those words came to haunt me again.

During the dating phase with my husband, we actually broke up twice. Both times he expressed that he felt like an “accessory” to my wardrobe. The last item of clothing needed to make my “look complete”. Deep huh?! Oh yeah! Believe it or not it took him several times of saying this for the light bulb to go off. Reluctantly, I started to connect the dots between what my now husband and ex were saying about me. For the first time, I stepped back and took a good hard look in the mirror to evaluate me.

Unfortunately, I cannot keep blaming the men for my failed relationships because the common denominator was me. Stepping up and acknowledging my part in previous failed relationships really took some maturing. It’s never easy to swallow a piece of humble pie and admit your faults within a relationship. For me, it was even more difficult because in my mind with everything I’m bringing to the table how can I have faults.

Yes, I’m the typical independent, educated, accomplished woman with the bomb credit score and every man who crossed my path knew it. Remember the song by Webbie?  I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that mean? Yes ma’am that song was wrote with me in mind for sure!!! So with that being said, where does my now husband fit in this scenario?


Wedding Kiss1

photo credit: Edoo Photography

Now I’m not saying there is something wrong with being Independent at all! There’s nothing in this world worth me giving up everything I’ve accomplished. However, being a wife was a goal of mine as well. So if the man I’m dating tells me he needs to feel “needed” in my world, why not make room for the “right” man in order to accomplish my goal of being  a wife.

This realization definitely got me to the altar! Now I’m on the quest to maintain the balance of my independence while making sure there is a “need” for my husband in my life.

So now I ask you, what have you learned from your ex?