“Knowing the difference between who to be patient with, and who to cut off, is everything” was the popular meme that was re-posted several times throughout my Instagram timeline, and eventually my own. As having been single myself just a few years ago, I can empathize with single women everywhere who suffer with these decisions daily.
One piece of advice that I can offer, are four individual types of men who, unquestionably, should be cut off the moment they fit the criteria. Trust me sis, once you learn to identify these four guys, it’ll eliminate the majority of the battle and will leave you with men who are definite contenders to be yours, forever.
Mr. Unavailable: This includes all married men, and yes even those who are sleeping in different bedrooms than their spouse, separated, or pending divorce. You know the old saying, “God will never send you someone else’s husband”. This is doctrine right here, and don’t ever forget that. This is also that guy who is currently in a relationship, but is having “problems” or “its complicated” but is still lobbying to see you. If he cheats with you, it’s just a matter of time before the roles are reversed. Why put yourself through that from jump? If your goal is to get married, and have a long lasting, fulfilling marriage, it first takes someone who is eligible to be your groom and husband. Not someone who already holds a title, with someone else.
Mr. Anti-Title/Relationship: This is the guy who says they are not ready for a relationship, or doesn’t want anything serious. If you honestly feel the same way, then great, enjoy the companionship. However, if you know for sure all you’ve been thinking about for the past 5 years is to become a wife, having children, the house and the white picket fence, then don’t trick yourself into believing that this “arrangement” is OK. Eventually, you will get frustrated, and bother him with the “where are we going from here” talks, when he clearly told you from the beginning, that a title and/or relationship is not what he wanted. Respect the man’s decision, and simply walk away if his goals do not align with yours.
Mr. Potential and No Action: Oh, haven’t we been here plenty of times. Bae, who has all the dreams in the world, all of the know-how and the ability to make those dreams become reality, but is doing absolutely nothing about it. The difference between a man who only has potential vs. a man who is on his grind is WORK. He must not only have a plan, but is actively working that plan. After some time, you discover that this brother is all talk and no action, please, free yourself, let him down easy.
Mr. Heartbreak: Oh it hurts me to even bring this man up, but he’s real, and he’s out there, and there are too many women who continue to pray to God, the universe, or all of the above that this person will change. Yet, he never does. This is a man who has physically abused you, emotionally abused you, who is a habitual cheater, or who continues to break your heart with no remorse. Each time you take him back, believing that he will change, that things will be different, yet he never does. Things are still exactly the same (if not worse), and the one whose heart continues to be broken, is yours. My sister, if this is you, I beg you, get out.
From one married woman to a single-wife in the making, trust me when I say, I struggled with these four men, too. However, once you gain the mindset where you know your worth, you know the type of love that you want, and will not accept anything less than that, you will always win. You continue living, continue being the fabulous single woman that you are, cut these unworthy men off and make yourself available for the man who is ready, qualified, and looking for that certain someone: YOU!