google images“Shade” it ain’t so! So I know you have probably read and heard the latest rants from “Mr. Black Ty”,  Tyrese Gibson. So my question is… is Tyrese throwing shade? I often wonder what is going on when a man feels the need to express his concerns for how women should do more or even do less for that matter. More cooking, more cleaning, or  more chill. Less make-up, less weave, or less talking. Welp. I am here to share my thoughts about  Tyreses’ shade throwing.

So, about this: “Just know that us REAL ones, recognize REAL ones.” Tyrese explains that real men know when a woman has a fake butt, fake lashes, fake breasts, etc. Here is what I will say. “Real” is defined by a person’s own filters. If what you consider to be Real, is whether or not her butt, hair, and entire body is natural, then that’s your narrow vision of “real”. I encourage you to go a little deeper. Yes, deeper. Deeper than her body, but within her soul, heart, and mind. See, we (women) recognize real, too.  We know when a brother is not all he says he is. We know when ya’ll be lying and pretending to be all that and a bag of chips. Truth is, it’s not about her hair, but about her heart. How do you, Tyrese, see the heart of a woman? Beyond her education, hair, and body…what do you see to help you define how “real” she is?

Could it be that what has lead you to your frustrated is your own self image? Maybe you see yourself in the women you have dated before. Usually the very flaws we pick out in our partners (current and previous), are a set of our own flaws. We date how we are. Maybe at some point you showed up fake, shallow, and thirsty for some attention. It’s so easy to call out others for their shit, but fail to recognize your own. I often say that we date who we are internally, not who we hope to be. That’s why, for me, it is important to look at the woman in the mirror, and do what The Single Wives Club has dubbed as a #SelfieCheck. Questions like: “How did I attract such a low frequency guy?” “Why did I allow this person who is a liar come into my space; what am I lying about?” It is of major importance to remember: thou shalt not point the finger at anyone else, without pointing to the person in the mirror first.

So as far as his rant is concerned, overall I would assume Tyrese has climbed a new level in his life and he is so thrilled about his new sense of self, that he wants to help us women also “figure it out”. He hopes his rant will help us women to drop the antics and aesthetics we use to please men or feel pretty. He probably should have just called me, and I would have helped him package the message a whole lot better, geesh. Words can be so powerful, and we have to be sure to put things into perspective and say things with encouragement and positivity, vs. spite and judgment. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t mind a quick kick in the butt every now and then, that will inspire me to be a better person, but we have to be sure that our pain doesn’t cause more pain for others listening.

Anywho, keep doing your work to be a better version of yourself, so that you don’t become a Tyrese…throwing shade at everyone, while sweeping your own stuff under a rug somewhere.

Rebel on,