I think it’s time us women, as a collective group to take the blame for our dating failures. It is not solely on men, listen carefully! We need to work on the real issues at hand, our dating habits. Men have the opportunity to learn how to love a woman in two different ways, either from his caregiver (mom, grandma, or aunt), or the woman he’s dating. Here is where the delivery of your standards and boundaries count the most. Take note!
First, let’s discuss a few of those bad dating habits women tend to struggle with the most.
- Thinking you can change a man. Please understand you CANNOT change a man! This is not the build-a-man workshop (although things would be easier if it was, but it’s not). Nothing is wrong with a little encouragement to help improve someone’s life, but that person has to put in the effort as well. If he’s not trying on his own then it will never work. You can either accept him as is or keep it moving.
- Attempting to take, or willingness to share another woman’s man. I know some women will say there are numerous benefits to being the side chick, but newsflash…you are belittling yourself by playing this role. You deserve so much more than only part of a person. In fact, you should want a WHOLE person to yourself, that’s actually yours. You should want someone made specifically for you. Ask yourself:
-Why would any man act right when he knows there’s always another woman waiting on the side?
-What will you do when you catch those feelings you THOUGHT you were immune to?
-What void are you trying to fill by taking someone else’s man?
3. Doing anything for attention. Why is it that women love attention and will do anything for it? Truth be told, most of us equate attention with some form of love. Women usually use their bodies to grab the attention of others because it’s an addicting feeling.
4. Letting men get away with way too much…because you love him. We accept cheating and the children that come with it. We accept taking care of a grown a** man who doesn’t work, excuses upon excuses, and all kinds of disrespect because you love him. By staying when you know you should leave proves that you’re accepting of his ways due to your continual presence in that relationship.
Now let’s discuss how you can create a healthy relationship, that’s good for your soul inside and out. Your expectations and standards should reflect self-love and the boundaries you want others to follow. Without standards, you’ll be accepting to anything that comes your way.
1. Stop changing yourself in attempts to make the next man happy. Losing yourself is one of the worst things you can do. Doing so causes confusion to both of you. Soon you will have nothing to offer because what you originally gave was never genuine to begin with. You must be strong-minded and confident in who you are, and what you have to offer.
2. Embrace being alone. Sometimes having standards means you’ll have to break it off with someone or back up when you see those red flags. Love yourself enough to walk away. When you operate out of fear of being alone you subject yourself to things that aren’t meant for you. Fear shouldn’t make any decisions for you, nor should it place you in any compromising situations. Let’s show society there’s nothing wrong with a woman that chooses to be alone.
3. Have realistic expectations. Dump the list of qualifications that no one will ever meet. Whatever you expect of someone else, you must be able to provide the same, if not more.
4. You can be both submissive and a leader. Find the balance between allowing your man to lead, and to “putting your foot down” when necessary. You can’t be afraid to let someone know what you will, or will not tolerate. Be vocal about your expectations because no one else is going to speak up for you. Know the kind treatment you are entitled to, but always show respect, even in those heated moments when you know he has you all the way messed up. Keep it classy, you don’t have to respond to everything that’s said to you.
Making better decisions and setting standards will only work if women come together as a whole. It’s time to set the bar high, and drop those bad dating habits. If women continue to accept the bare minimum, then that’s just what men will give us. Know your worth as a woman. Don’t accept anything less than what you deserve, or what you would want your daughter to accept. After all, women run the world right?