It’s 2017 and everyone has relationships goals right? Dating is the thing to do; especially if you’re entertaining the possibility of marriage one day! We all have a list and an idea of what we want to see or hear from the opposite sex, right?

I know I did, I knew what I wanted and how I wanted it. I dated all types of people, some with great jobs, lots of money, stable, attractive, educated etc and they all had one thing in common – their communication style wasn’t compatible with mine so it didn’t work!

I had to evaluate what was turning them or me off. Between our personalities, backgrounds, and communication style – it appeared I would be single for sometime because I certainly wasn’t going to settle. That’s an injustice to both parties. My happy ending found me, and he made all my dreams come true. So why did I accept his ring, opposed to the other ones?

Communication.  Yes! This made the difference; , allow me to explain.

Today, many are about the credentials and qualifications and don’t get me wrong – they’re important if that’s on your list. Everyone has a list and most often don’t waver from it. They spend a lot of time talking, looking, digging, and searchi but spend very little time communicating. You may think, how? Especially if one talks on the phone every day. It’s because many never get off the script they’ve prepared. It’s easy to answer the same questions over and over. You have to wonder if you’re talking to someone for a lengthy amount of time how it’s possible to miss certain traits. I mean, all that time – what were you talking about.

When you deal with a person the background questions matter more then what someone did in college or their career.  The level of education they have or how pooping their melamine is matters not.  You should be asking Questions like, how are you when you’re angry? How often do you talk to your family? What’s a typical day for you like? How was your parent’s relationship? How would your employer describe your work ethic? These are questions that reveal the depth of a person outside of the logistics. Many times, were concerned about the salary, desired number of kids, the place of living, their travel agenda, favorite food, and current dress code; all okay, and important, However, those things don’t define a person’s character, dignity, or even their intent. More importantly, all these things will change over the course of their life especially when they fall in love. When dating a person it’s critical to ask the the right questions, date someone that’s in process, not processing. This means they’ve figured out their life, not figuring out who they are. Their mind needs to be where your mind is concerning the future. The future and building depends on the foundation its built on.

I realized long ago that just because you have a connection with a person doesn’t make you compatible with them. Just the same, just because there’s a connection doesn’t mean they’re capable of being in a healthy relationship. These are things people must understand while dating. How a person communicates is crucial to the longevity of the relationship and is a direct reflection of how they process information and how to interpret what you’re saying! Their communication style tells you more than you think. It’s up there with understanding roles in relationships and love languages. It’s core information that ultimately makes your relationship thrive. Understanding your communication style will save you from having multiple partners and short-lived relationships.

A general rule: within 3/5 days you should be able to determine whether you’re friends or if it’ll go elsewhere. You need to begin asking yourself what am I asking folks, what are we talking about, how often are  we engaging in background questions opposed to superficial questions. This matters. It’ll take your dating to a whole new level.

Your biggest fan,