It’s a beautiful time to be a woman, especially a Black woman. We have embarked on a new cultural awakening, being “woke” where we have become fearless, bold, unapologetic and unabashedly awesome. Gone are the days where we suffer in silence or conform to societal norms. We aren’t accepting misogyny as normal behavior anymore and have redefined the standard for femininity by simply allowing ourselves to be who we have always been; magical. As with any forward progression, there’s no sure way to please everyone. While I fully support the feminist movement and appreciate how it has greatly influenced my daily and professional life, I find that I don’t necessarily want to take a feminist “I am woman, hear me roar” approach to my love life. In spite of being “woke” and “empowered” I still want the kind of love my grandparents shared; an old school he pays the bills as the provider, fixes the car and home because he’s handy, leads the family because he is the protector kind of love. In a world where we have been taught that we can have anything we want, why are we so “woke” but, still coming up short in matters of the heart?
I can’t help but think that even the “wokest” woke woman still longs for male companionship. The problem is that it’s so rare to come across men who aren’t turned off, intimidated or just refuse to “rise to the occasion” of a woman who won’t be manipulated. So what’s a girl to do? The truth is, at this point we can’t turn back, we wouldn’t even know how to go back to silencing ourselves for the sake of love. We do, however, need to understand some fundamental truths in order to ensure that we are being fulfilled in every single aspect of our lives and not settling for whats available or opting to go without.
Woke Does Not Mean Without Man
The cool part about being educated or enlightened is that you have visibility to the full spectrum of issues at hand. While we completely understand the systemic, socioeconomic, religious and misogynistic values that feminists have worked on and are continuing to debunk; we also know that Men don’t always have the same messaging. Pushing a “we don’t need em” agenda doesn’t help eradicate their negative behaviors and we will never be on the same page if a bridge isn’t created to close the gap between the two.
Choosing Love Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Woke
Look, women have found themselves in less than desirable situations since the beginning of time and nothing will ever change about that. If you are a woman who chooses to love a man who doesn’t agree with much of your feminist values, you are not weak, unaware of your “worth” or any less “woke” than the next woman. Stop judging one another and try to understand that our paths are all different, our core values and what we choose to accept for the perceived greater good can vary greatly. If y’all can cheer for Blac Chyna and support Amber Rose then you can surely cut the woman who stands by her man or sacrifices herself for the sake of her family some slack.
Woke Doesn’t Equal “Lonely”
It seems as though any time a Black woman doesn’t agree with anyone else they are perceived to be too independent, angry, bitter or a know-it-all. Having an opinion, being assertive and exuding confidence shouldn’t be synonymous with negativity. Likewise, there may be misconceptions about the “woke” agenda, however, being woke isn’t or shouldn’t be synonymous with being alone or being unhappy. To each his/her own, right?
Nothing is wrong with wanting to ensure you are emotionally whole as a person and eliminating the factors and mindsets that stunt your growth or perception of self. Understand that we are human and by nature, we are all flawed. No one truly wins if we aren’t able to coexist in a way where it is mutually beneficial, healthy and enjoyable for all parties involved.