I don’t know about ya’ll, but whenever I see or hear about a genuinely happy black couple that is continual making strides to maintain and deepen their relationship, I get warm, fuzzy feelings all over because it shows me that despite what western society is shoving down our throats, there are black couples that are thriving.
So what about the other people that are struggling to create the kind of black love many of us aspire to have, but a lot of media platforms are telling us will be difficult to attain and seem to be supported by terrible relationship experiences we have?
For this post, for argument’s sake, we’re not talking about individuals that are not interested in a committed relationship at this point in their life or legit have no interest in entering into a relationship with their black counterpart. We’re talking about black individuals that are truly interested and making moves to try and establish black love.
We already know that the history of the black family in America is complex and it’s hard to ignore. While many changes have occurred in our community there are still some things we struggle with like communication, vulnerability, and misinformation about commitment.
When it comes to being vulnerable with each other and being honest about what we need or want, we’re at a disadvantage. Young women are literally being raised to be defensive and distrustful of men and young men are being taught that the generalizations and stereotypes about black women are law, so they come into a relationship with a game plan so they can “win”.
Win what, I’m not 100% sure, but what I am sure about is this,
in order for black love to thrive, we have to change the way we talk to our potential partners, realize that being vulnerable with the right kind of person is not a bitch move for either side, and address the misconceptions some of us have when it comes to committing to each other.
Hold on, I’ma tell you.
A lot of black men are afraid of commitment because they don’t fully understand what that encompasses. Yes, that means you’re saying you choose to be honest, faithful, and exclusive with one woman for the rest of your life, but it’s more than that and unfortunately, they’re being taught the wrong lessons, like it’s cool to be a playa for life. Bruh, nobody wants to be alone for the rest of their days.
Guys are being fed BS because a lot of the men telling teaching them about relationships failed to find the right partner because they either did not thoroughly vet their woman to see if they shared the same values or there is a strong possibility that man led that woman on and her reaction to his BS was noteworthy. Don’t fall into that cycle guys.
Black men, realize that your partner want’s you to succeed and that her strengths and skills are what you will need to get to levels you could never imagine. Women literally love helping, nurturing, and we see and feel a lot of things you men miss.
Stop looking at your partner as an enemy that you need to hide your weaknesses from and conquer. See her as the ally she is.
Black women, we can be hard AF and I know it’s because a lot of us have been treated like adults from a young age. I’m straight guilty of this, but we have a hard time being vulnerable because some of us, not all are taught that the only time a man isn’t lying is when he’s silent. Be discerning with the men you choose and trust that little voice when it says, “Nah, dude. Let’s leave him alone.” its valid, trust it.
When you realize that you literally have the best intentions for yourself and trust that you will make the right decision after asking the right questions, you will know who it is safe to be vulnerable with and the right person to try and form a relationship with.
We aren’t trusting that what we want is real.
It’s not that it isn’t attainable, some of us just didn’t know how to go about it the right way. If you put garbage in, what do you think is gonna come out?