Six years ago today, I made a decision to sell my soul to the devil. Not for a million bucks. Not for fame and fortune.
I agreed to sell my soul for a ring and a wedding.
As shallow, crazy or unbelievable as it may sound– that’s exactly what I did. On June 6, 2010 I said yes to a proposal that I knew wasn’t right. I agreed to marry someone I knew wasn’t the man for me and it was all because I was so damn thirsty.
Thirsty to be married.
Thirsty to start a family.
Thirsty to feel loved.
Hell, I was thirsty to change my facebook status.
So when the opportunity presented itself, I did what most thirsty women do…I jumped at the chance to have any man, instead of waiting for the right man. Exactly one month before this proposal I had a hunch, that gut feeling, the red flag was thrown that told me something wasn’t right with this guy. I remember it being Cinco de Mayo because I blamed it on the alcohol. My thirsty ass was quick to find an excuse about things instead of being real with myself.
Fast forward one month later to the proposal and again the thirst was real so I agreed to be his wife.
If you know the Single Wives Story then you know that the engagement quickly ended a few months later when I woke up from my delusion and came back to my senses. Six years later I am still grateful for every single lesson learned, but more importantly I’m grateful for the second chance at life.
For the longest time, I couldn’t leave the relationship because I was afraid of what people would say. I didn’t want to face the shame of being a failure..even at love. And if I would’ve let my pride keep me a prisoner, I would have surely paid the price.
I run into so many single women who want nothing more but a man. They have few hopes or dreams that aren’t tied to a ring and a wedding. I was one of those single women too. I had every detail chosen for the wedding but I had no clue how to be a wife.
So for all the single women who have hopes of becoming happy wives, here are 5 things you must do in your life before you even think about becoming a wife:
1.Love yourself before seeking love from anyone else
This is by far the most important thing you can do to prepare for a loving relationship- love yourself. Not just “oh I know I’m pretty” love, but “I refuse to accept anything but the best for myself” love.
Be loyal to your self. Enjoy your own company. Spend time exploring your true self and all of your uniqueness. In loving YOU, you should be consistently striving to become your best self. You should be investing yourself and beginning to believe that self-care is a necessity, not a luxury.
You can only teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself and a man will not love you more than you love yourself.
2.Know your worth. You are the prize.
Thirsty women are willing to take what they can get instead of waiting for what they deserve. In my engagement I knew he wasn’t the one but my lack of self-love convinced me that he was worth trying to change for. It convinced me that I had a shot at changing him for me too. It was never going to happen.
When you know your worth and realize who you are and who’s you are there will be certain things that you will not accept. At the first sight of a red flag, you will be over this guy and on to the next. As the CEO of your single life, it’s up to you to interview applicants who are qualified for the position and not just take any and everyone who applies.
3.Start being real with yourself
If you can’t even be real with yourself, how could you ever expect to create something real with someone else? It’s not going to happen. If you’ve been sweeping things under the rug and pretending that all your problems have gone away, it’s time to change that.
Take a look at who you’ve become and see what needs to change. What works for me is what I like to call a “selfie check” where I write out my assets and liabilities (i.e. strengths and weaknesses) and review what areas of my life need work. Whether it’s my finances, my emotions, my health, my relationships– I want to know my status on everything so I can strengthen my weaknesses. Every few months you should stop and check your:
attitude- Lord knows I can use an attitude adjustment sometimes, we all can. But if you’re always in a funky mood with the stank face, what man do you think is going to sign up for that? Men love happy women but they don’t make women happy. Only you can control your happiness, so if you’re always in a bad mood you may want to evaluate the source that’s draining your emotions.
appearance- I don’t care what you keep telling yourself, I’m telling you that men want to look at a well put together woman. Sure they have tons of types and like different things, but they all want a woman who takes care of herself and maintains her appearance. Your man could be standing next to you at the grocery store or checking you out from across the parking lot…you never know when he’s going to show up! Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready!
authenticity- Are you comfortable being 100% authentic? We’re all on our best behavior when we first meet someone new, but how far off is it from who you really are? If you trick a man into signing up for perfect patty and then become bitchie becky, there is going to be a problem. Check yourself and fix anything you’re not willing to admit about yourself or any habits you’ve been hiding.
If you want a man to be real with you, you gotta start being real with you.
4.Decide what you really want.
A lot of people fail in life because they don’t know what they want. If you have no clue what you’re looking for you are going to have a very hard time finding it. When I met my fiancé, I had just written a long letter to God requesting all of these outrageous things I wanted in a mate. So when this guy showed up being 95% of the list and telling me I was going to be his wife (he said that the day I met him) I was all for it.
Although I thought I was being very specific with what I wanted, I was also being very silly. I wrote the list based on a bunch of superficial bullshit that doesn’t even matter and isn’t important. I didn’t once consider what his character should be like. I didn’t even think about how I wanted him to treat me. I was being thirsty for superficial things. Material things I wanted him to have, places I wanted him to be able to take me, things that I realize now don’t make a MAN. Nevertheless, the law of attraction is real and I did manifest what I requested.
Take heed to this warning: the list will bring you exactly what you write, so be careful what you wish for (read a blog on the laws of the list). I encourage you to put a lot of thought into your priorities and not just your preferences. Think about the things that will really matter for the next 50 years, not just what will be fun for the next 5 minutes.
5.Become who you want to be with
As I said before, the law of attraction is really real. You get what you give. So if you’re giving off depressed, unhappy energy you are going to attract a depressed, unhappy man. After you think carefully and write the list, become the list and then you’ll attract the list.
I know hands-down that I attracted a broken boy because I was a broken little girl. I attracted exactly who I was. Not who I was pretending to be.
As you do with any other goal you want to achieve, create deadlines and hold yourself accountable for personal growth as you would with professional growth. Do yourself a favor and focus on becoming a better woman so that you’ll attract the best man for you.
Today I am grateful for this experience because it taught me so much about myself, I otherwise would not have known. It showed me what I really wanted and what I should never accept.
I am 100% sure that I experienced that engagement to be able to save someone else from learning a tough lesson the hard way. Before you go looking and hoping and praying for a good man, become a good woman.
Enjoy every moment of the life you are living, be grateful for all that you have and have faith that everything you want is on it’s way to you… at the perfect time.
Oh and stop being so damn thirsty.
P.S. I got a whole lot more to say!! Click below to hear more on this topic! Watch now: