Healing is an action that may require you to go off the grid. Literally, stop talking to friends, associates, “him”; just hit the PAUSE. Stop being available for everyone else and start showing up for YOU. This means, all the empty girlfriend conversations “Hey girl what you been up to?”, “Hey friend how have you been?”, “Haven’t heard from you in a while, are you ok?”, “Hey girl, what are you doing?”, “Hey girl where are you about to go?”, “Hey girl, how’s work?”, or my f*cking favorite “Hey girl when is your next off day?”. LIKE ENOUGH! You cannot afford to do or talk about anything that is not filling your cup. NO silly lunches, dinners, girl trips, shopping excursions, or reality TV catch up convos. To be honest, I don’t recommend listening to anyone’s update on their life… kids, marriage, work… No shade, but you have NO TIME. All that sh*t has to cease. IT’s simple. You have to take an F.L.O.A – Friend Leave Of Absence when you are trying to commit to healing, changing your life, or re-connecting with you. And guess what? It’s OK. They will be there when you return, trust me. Still saying the same sh*t, still doing the same sh*t. This is your TIME. Time to get BETTER, time to heal wounds and take control of your life. It is really a time to figure out what you want out of your life? Where do you want your life to go? I ask myself all the time, why are we so afraid of letting people go? You don’t owe anyone anything, but you owe yourself everything. For the most part if you really think about it, most of the people in your life should have only been there for a season. Here is a hint on when the season has run its course: Blast from the past conversations… “Girl, remember that time?” Or maybe they are working the same jobs, or really settled down in something like a relationship or life in general. Basically nothing new.
Now when it comes to the label of “Best Friend” I am not a believer in that term. From my point of view (as someone who has had a different “Best Friend” throughout the different phases of my life), I actually think the label is not necessary. “Best Friend” can sometimes become an expectation and entitlement of sharing. In my opinion, in order to evolve and grow, one must release the long-term titles. Keep it cool and casual, and just say friend, it’s totally ok. Do you know the definition of friend?
“A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection”.
Sounds pretty efficient to me. Trust me as long as you are living, you will be called to change or evolve in your life. Sometimes, because of these changes, the people in your circle also have to change or cease to exist. I am simply saying, when you take the time out to heal you will realize quickly who adds value, growth, and substance to your life, and who remains stagnant. Once you are aware you will want to limit or eliminate the relationship. Besides, what is a “Best Friend” really? Does that mean they are the “best” out of all others? Was there some kind of competition to see who could listen to the most of your BS and tell you you’re right, when in actuality you are wrong? In my opintion, some best friends are a place where one goes to be in total denial of the stuff they do or a place to get coddled. Not all besties fit this description; you do have some who offer a swift kick in the ass and a nice cup of reali-tea (which I am totally here for). I am just saying you should question who currently holds this title in your life and figure out if they are holding you hostage or letting your evolve and grow?
We can only go as far as the circle we keep. For the most part, your friends are not bad people or losers. They have just found a comfortable place in life and decided to stay there and get cozy. I am usually known as the funny, loud, or humorous person amongst my circle, and although I do love a good laugh, I had to take a break from being everyone’s comic relief or feel good friend. Seems like err body around you needs their f*cking fix, or need get high off of you. Take a break from putting on a costume and talking about shallow sh*t. Just STOP. You really need you right now. In order for your healing and growth to actually work this time, in order to set-free from your heartbreak this time, EVERYTHING MUST GO. Clean your house before you can invite company over. This is one of the most important things that you will learn and let me tell you, I’m not so sure most of us have the courage to do this. I totally understand. I battled with the feeling of guilt too. Most of the time we feel we need a Misery Buddy or a Pity Partner. Someone to tell you it’s going to be ok. Someone you can tell the latest thing he did or said, or the latest stupid sh*t you did or said. We just can’t seem to tell our peeps we need space. You know why? Because we are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings or being alone during this self-discovery phase. We are fearful that we can’t get through it unless we make someone listen to us when it hurts or is too overwhelming. But you know what? Every time you tell that f*cking story, or talk about what he meant when he said this, or who the girl is on his social media page, or sending a screenshot of his latest text… guess what, YOU ARE NOT Growing. You are giving what is meant to be just a lesson a whole book in your life.
We have become so entitled to “keeping up with each other” and having these ASSININE “binge” conversations. You know the convo’s that sound like this: “How’s work? How’s Family? Are you dating? What you doing this weekend?” It’s like ok, F*CK! Lol. If you are worried about what someone has to say about you taking a break, guess what? YOU ARE NOT READY TO TAKE A F.L.O.A. You are not ready to take the time out for you to be healthier, happier, and healed. I almost find this part to be harder than cutting off the asshole that played a part in your heartbreak. But why? Is your life really not important enough to miss out on shopping? Eating? Hanging? It will all be there when you come back. And guess what, NOW you can really enjoy the conversations and outings so much more as a whole woman. You have to pause and it’s ok. Take the Friend Leave of Absence. It is a necessity to getting clear and getting BETTER.
The Robot Rebel – Antres Finnie
Cover Image: http://www.lolwot.com/20-thoughts-all-single-people-have-had/