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IMG_0498
Written by VTaybron

The word “NO” is such a small word, yet it holds a lot of weight. Have you ever seen a child discover this word? When a two-year-old discovers the word “no” they are excited, confident, empowered, and unfortunately annoying if they are using it to disobey us. As we grow older this sense of empowerment is lost because the world around us tells us that it’s impolite to say no all the time. Although this might be true it’s important to have boundaries in place to protect yourself.

If you keep doing things you don’t want to do, it affects your happiness. We’ve all heard the saying, “it’s not what you say it’s how you say it.” This is true and I’m going to provide a few real life situations that you can use to help keep your boundaries in place by effectively using the word, “no”

#1 Money

We’ve all had someone ask us to borrow a few bucks right? Money is a touchy subject. Just because a person is your family member or friend doesn’t mean that they are entitled to the money in which you’ve worked so hard for. If they ask you for money and you don’t feel 100% comfortable with giving it to them then don’t! Or if you do weigh the pros and cons. Will this person be in the position to pay you back? Are they an asset to your daily life or business so much so that you will get the money back by having them work and complete tasks for you? If the answer isn’t yes to any of those questions then it probably shouldn’t be done. If you do decide to let them have the money for reasons only known to you then make sure it is an amount you aren’t going to miss. It’s not 100% guaranteed that you will ever see that money again. I have many friends that rationalize helping out family members saying to themselves, “well I was only going to use the extra money to get my hair done.” My response is, “And so what?” That is money that you earned with your efforts. If you are not comfortable simply tell them, “I am not able to give you any money at this time.” Now if you have bailed them out of situations in the past that response is going to shock them. They might want an explanation of why you have decided not to give them money at this time. Always know that you do not owe anyone an explanation for what you have decided to do with your money. If you must explain yourself to them then say, “I am not comfortable with giving you money and since it makes me very uncomfortable I have decided not to.” If you are pressed further on this issue then you should re-evaluate their place and position in you life.

#2 Sex

Sometimes you just don’t feel like it. As women we give in way too much. I admit that I was this “pleaser” in the past. I wanted to please the man in my life even if it wouldn’t make me happy at the time. It took a lot of healing before I truly understood that I am a temple. Do you realize that your body is sacred? If you are not comfortable sharing your body with someone else then you do not have to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for not wanting to share your sacred space with them. You might be tired from work, practicing celibacy or abstinence, it might violate your religious beliefs, you might not trust them, or they might not be your husband. No matter what the reason is, if you are at peace being intimate with someone then tell them no and keep it moving.

#3 Car

Your friend’s car broke down and they called you instead of Enterprise Rental Car. You know you’re not a car rental service correct? This one always baffles me because there is roadside assistance, Uber, Lyft, Taxi cabs, the bus, and more. With all of those options available you should have been the last person in which they called. This is money out of your pocket because while they are driving your car or using you to drive them around that is gas being used from you tank. Not to mention how much of an inconvenience it might be to you. If you tell them “no” and they ask “why?” Here’s a question I like to ask, “What would you do if I wasn’t around?” This is a great teaching moment because it forces them to think about the options that are available. Don’t inconvenience yourself to provide convenience for them.

#4 Time

Time is one thing that we can never get back. How we use our time is important. You know that one friend that keeps calling you to complain about life? After you talk to them all of a sudden you feel drained? This is wasted time. Energy is transferable and if you take the time to sit and listen to it then you will be infected with those defeated feelings as well. You don’t have to pick up the phone but if you must as soon as they start complaining, change the subject. If this doesn’t work then every time they say something negative immediately say something positive. One of two things will happen. They will either become really annoyed with you or they just won’t call you anymore. Either way it’s okay because you are protecting your space from this energy vampire. Don’t let them suck the life out of your spirit with their negativity.

The world in which we live in is governed by choices. We all have the ability to decide what we want and what we don’t want. Protecting your space and maintaining your happiness is important. If you aren’t 100% comfortable with something exercise your power to say, NO!” You are in complete control of your life and you have every right to be happy. Do what I do ladies, get your happy on!

 

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